Britney Spears to Hillary Clinton: Stop Monopolizing My Press

While the Barack Obama campaign has been struggling to get their message heard above unending the cacophony of “how crazy will Hillary Clinton get” stories, quietly one of America’s biggest tabloid stars has seen her unending fount of press run dry no thanks to Hillary stealing her ink – Britney Spears.

Long the reigning queen of “psycho-delusional, train wreck press” stories, Spears has been pushed off the front page by her most formidable of attention seeking rivals – Hillary Clinton – and it took an effort of near Presidential proportions.  Britney’s the victim of a harsh media reality, namely that editors’ reserve only so much space for “disastrous celebrity tailspin” stories. With Clinton and the Lohan’s taking up all the recent front page real estate reserved for “crash and burn celebrity free falls,” Spears has (*gasp*) faded to the brink of oblivion.

Britney back at the Height of Her Crazy Reign, Before Hillary Clinton Stole the Title

Normally, political figures, particularly distinguished senators, avoid slinking into the role of side show circus freaks, relying on pop stars to fill the niche, but Clinton’s obliviousness to math, self-mutilation (in the form of poorly phrased quotes about RFK), frequently changing motivations about why she’s running, and complete disconnection with the existing, non-imaginary world has sent the press into feeding frenzy not seen since Spear’s was committed for similar erratic behavior back in January 2008.

Hillary officially gained the crown of top delusional celebrity train wreck, long held by Britney Spears

 

As Clinton continues to push gossip-rag-mainstays to the back pages, many other train wrecks have been left scrambling, with Lindsay Lohan going to the extreme of dating lesbian Samantha Ronson just to overcome the glut of Clinton press and maintain a tenuous grasp on the forefront of public consciousness.

Lindsay Lohan went Lesbian this week only to barely steal some of Clinton\'s lock on crazy train wreck press

Meanwhile, Spears has not been so lucky. Her mid-May trip to Costa Rica with Mel Gibson went largely unnoticed. Her new love, William Morris agent Jason Trawick, has barely gotten one-one thousandth the publicity of former flames. Finally, as of press time, news of her $10 million Las Vegas comeback show barely made the steamy London gossip pages.

Media insiders are dubbing this “The Hillary Effect.” “You just can’t out crazy Hillary Clinton at the moment,” commented one reporter. “When it comes to the train wreck beat, she’s got the monopoly on it.”

The Spears camp is resorting to a Vanity Faire shoot just to try to pry some limelight away from media whore Hillary – though Spear’s announcement of the shoot fell on mostly deaf ears.

While tabloid stars suffer from Hillary “outcrazying” them, John McCain’s campaign has aired few complaints about Clinton’s press dominance.   The were particularly thankful for the diversion as he hosted a fundraiser in Arizona alongside the politically toxic Satan George Bush.  His campaign has been similarly unbothered by Hillary’s press monopolization as he dealt with uncomfortable issues like his wife’s tax returns, release of his medical records, and his continued opposition to the Democrats expanded GI Bill, among other politically charged events the presumptive Republican nominee has conveniently side stepped during the last week thanks to Hillary.

The few sources still covering Spear report that she is thriving since handing over her “America’s top train wreck” crown over to Hillary.

(Picture:  Britney enjoying and thriving in her newfound anonymity with reported bf Jason Trawick)  

 

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