Britney Spears to Hillary Clinton: Stop Monopolizing My Press

While the Barack Obama campaign has been struggling to get their message heard above unending the cacophony of “how crazy will Hillary Clinton get” stories, quietly one of America’s biggest tabloid stars has seen her unending fount of press run dry no thanks to Hillary stealing her ink – Britney Spears.

Long the reigning queen of “psycho-delusional, train wreck press” stories, Spears has been pushed off the front page by her most formidable of attention seeking rivals – Hillary Clinton – and it took an effort of near Presidential proportions.  Britney’s the victim of a harsh media reality, namely that editors’ reserve only so much space for “disastrous celebrity tailspin” stories. With Clinton and the Lohan’s taking up all the recent front page real estate reserved for “crash and burn celebrity free falls,” Spears has (*gasp*) faded to the brink of oblivion.

Britney back at the Height of Her Crazy Reign, Before Hillary Clinton Stole the Title

Normally, political figures, particularly distinguished senators, avoid slinking into the role of side show circus freaks, relying on pop stars to fill the niche, but Clinton’s obliviousness to math, self-mutilation (in the form of poorly phrased quotes about RFK), frequently changing motivations about why she’s running, and complete disconnection with the existing, non-imaginary world has sent the press into feeding frenzy not seen since Spear’s was committed for similar erratic behavior back in January 2008.

Hillary officially gained the crown of top delusional celebrity train wreck, long held by Britney Spears

 

As Clinton continues to push gossip-rag-mainstays to the back pages, many other train wrecks have been left scrambling, with Lindsay Lohan going to the extreme of dating lesbian Samantha Ronson just to overcome the glut of Clinton press and maintain a tenuous grasp on the forefront of public consciousness.

Lindsay Lohan went Lesbian this week only to barely steal some of Clinton\'s lock on crazy train wreck press

Meanwhile, Spears has not been so lucky. Her mid-May trip to Costa Rica with Mel Gibson went largely unnoticed. Her new love, William Morris agent Jason Trawick, has barely gotten one-one thousandth the publicity of former flames. Finally, as of press time, news of her $10 million Las Vegas comeback show barely made the steamy London gossip pages.

Media insiders are dubbing this “The Hillary Effect.” “You just can’t out crazy Hillary Clinton at the moment,” commented one reporter. “When it comes to the train wreck beat, she’s got the monopoly on it.”

The Spears camp is resorting to a Vanity Faire shoot just to try to pry some limelight away from media whore Hillary – though Spear’s announcement of the shoot fell on mostly deaf ears.

While tabloid stars suffer from Hillary “outcrazying” them, John McCain’s campaign has aired few complaints about Clinton’s press dominance.   The were particularly thankful for the diversion as he hosted a fundraiser in Arizona alongside the politically toxic Satan George Bush.  His campaign has been similarly unbothered by Hillary’s press monopolization as he dealt with uncomfortable issues like his wife’s tax returns, release of his medical records, and his continued opposition to the Democrats expanded GI Bill, among other politically charged events the presumptive Republican nominee has conveniently side stepped during the last week thanks to Hillary.

The few sources still covering Spear report that she is thriving since handing over her “America’s top train wreck” crown over to Hillary.

(Picture:  Britney enjoying and thriving in her newfound anonymity with reported bf Jason Trawick)  

 

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Clinton Train Wreck Watch 2008: The Hillary Sunset Blvd. Parody (Video!)

As Clinton continues to play limbo with her prestige and public persona – (how low can she go?) – the media claws are coming out in force.  By breaking cardinal rules of politics and deliberately attempting to malign all but presumptive nominee Barack Obama, Hillary will face her comeuppance in spades and deservedly so. Its one thing to go dirty early in the primaries – politics is war – its another thing when your candidacy’s obituary has already been written and published.

She ran a disastrous campaign, is a disastrous candidate, and is only welcoming disastrous consequences.

That said, this Hillary Clinton as Norma Desmond in Sunset Blvd. parody I found right on the mark. Enjoy.

(By the way, I keep saying this is going to be my last Hillary post! This is getting ridiculous! I have important things to do like hammering John McCain! This month extra of Hillary coverage really is providing a screen for McCain and only helping the Republicans. At this point, she’s become the tabloid star of politics.)

What Medical / Tax Records? Why McCain, Republicans Are Toasting Hillary Right Now! How She Did Her Duty for the Republican Party!

McCain Can\'t Be Happier About How Friday Went for Him, He Could Kiss Hillary Right Now

Dominating today’s news!!! Completely saturating the media! Taking up the first 20 minutes of Keith Olbermann John McCain Releases Medical Records / Cindy McCain Releases Tax Returns Hillary Clinton Apologizes for Assassination Gaffe

With Democrats like Hillary, who needs Republicans?!?!? For over a year the Republican’s were devising a way to release McCain’s medical records while minimalizing damage to the campaign.

They thought they found their answer – go for the sneak play by releasing them Memorial Day Weekend! Brilliant! (See McCain Medical Records To Be Released Friday, Will He Make It Till Then?)

Furthermore, going with “the band-aid theory” that “it doesn’t hurt if you rip it off fast,” they decided to surprise everyone with the late in the day release of another potential McCain political powder keg – those pesky Cindy McCain tax returns, which indicate the McCain’s are blue blood to the tune of $6 million dollars a year from her beer empire! (God knows what else as the returns hold as their news was eclipsed by…. well I’m getting there…)

It was the Republican equivalent of The Great Escape. Plan for months, wait till everyone isn’t looking, make a break for it, and hope to get away!

The Republicans Got Away With The Great Escape

McCain’s rapid responders were ready to work overtime to handle the impending news cycle storm. They would not be having a Memorial Day weekend this year… or would they…

For then, mana from Republican heaven!

The political equivalent of parting the pundit Red Sea!

Hillary ***Expletive’d*** It All Up!!!

McCain HQ’s rejoicing tonight!

McCain Must Be Toasting His Luck Tonight, Drinking Some of His Beer Empire

As I write, the McCain team’s probably laughing over beers, relieving a weeks worth of pent up anxiety about a giant media hurdle, now completely sidestepped. They went from facing potentially a solid week of McCain-centric health and wealth punditry, (only punctuated by Indiana Jones box office numbers) to….

Hillary wants Obama dead.

I can’t overstate the favor Hillary Clinton did for the Republican’s today.

The fact I’m dedicating a blog entry to this ****Expletive*** up rather than attacking the various McCain news of the day tells you that the real damage was the distraction. The diversion.

This is Democrats eating their own of the highest order.

And its inexorable and inexcusable.

We let them get away!

She let them get away!

Hillary, you let McCain escape what was a certain gauntlet that the Republican’s were sweating for over a year!

If you think that a discordant and uncoordinated Democratic Party isn’t a massive liability at this point, look no farther than today. This is the result! Complete mismanagement of the press by the Democrats such that two toxic topics that would undoubtedly cost McCain votes were glossed over! All the Democrats needed to do was sit and watch, and the swirling press surrogates would have done a cyclone’s worth of damage to McCain on these two topics. Instead, he gets away like the Road Runner, while our party goes barreling off the cliff

Oh, and might I add, Hillary’s own example of the 1968 Presidential Election should only be a foreboding warning to the party of the disasters that arise from a protracted campaign. That was a winnable election inevitably lost to Richard Nixon, and lost partly due to many of the elements occurring now – a fractious, protracted primary met by a disastrous Democratic convention.

Ultimately, for Hillary to compare this election to that of her husband’s shows her misunderstanding of the forces of elections circa 2008 – almost all of which favor coalescing behind a candidate early and unifying a party’s message quickly – namely: a brutal 24 hour news cycle, the emergence of partisan news networks, the rise of the partisan news anchors, the Limbaughization of talk radio, the refinement of campaign’s “rapid response” units, the increasing sophistication of marketing, the rise of the internet and its scrutiny, the escalating costs of presidential elections, and the ever increasing role of political conventions as “staged televised theater.” (etc. etc.)

Many of these factors didn’t even exist when Bill Clinton ran in 1992, and all of which make for a perilous atmosphere for any candidate facing the brunt of a political party’s attack machine without his own party’s full backing. What Obama is somehow succeeding in doing is fighting a two front war (the brunt of McCain and Hillary) with one hand tied behind his back. (Little official party backing)

Understanding elections having consulted so many, I can see no rational point to Hillary’s incredibly stupid, unbelievably boneheaded, completely insensitive, totally erroneous, entirely fallacious, mean spirited, delusional, Republican aiding, potentially election costing poorly worded statement today, just as I can see no point in her continued candidacy.

I leave you with Bush toasting Hillary on her monumental ****Expletive**** up today.

George Bush Toasting Hillary on Her Lastest Gaffee

(Two last morbid notes – purely conjecture: Does the size of Obama’s secret service detail drop out once Hillary gets elected? Secondly, by setting off this firestorm, I assume Hillary just substantially increased the noise level that the Secret Service now needs to siphon though regarding internet threats on President’s lives. Shame.)

West Virginia Loves Obama After All! UMWA Endorses.

Good news!

The United Mine Workers of America endorsed Barack Obama

United Mine Workers of America Endorse Obama

Considering West Virginia’s status as a major swing state full of nothing but coal miners (and their wives), this is a major endorsement for Barack Obama. So eat that Hillary!

Full story available in the May 22nd edition of the The Charleston Gazette

The story has some illuminating quotes by UMWA President Cecil Roberts:

“On issue after issue, it is clear that Sen. Obama will be on our side while Sen. McCain will not,” Roberts said.

Roberts criticized McCain’s plans to eliminate the tax breaks given to workers with employer-provided health benefits.

“McCain would impose a tax on the health-care benefits our members and retirees receive that we have negotiated in our contracts.

“UMWA members are at risk of receiving serious injuries or contracting occupational diseases every day. Many of our retirees suffer from debilitating injuries or black lung. They have paid for those health-care benefits with their blood. To impose a tax on them because they receive those benefits is not only unjust. It’s immoral.”

To parse what Cecil Roberts really was saying, Republican have been rubber stamping corporate America’s will for eight years – and after the Sago and Crandall Canyon Mine collapses, they ain’t having none of it!

And might I remind you, overseeing the Mine Safety and Health Administration before and after the Crandall Canyon Mine collapse was Bush recess appointee Richard Stickler, a mining executive who managed mines that saw several deaths and injury rates more than double the national average. To get the skinny on Richard Stickler, check out Bush Reappoints Mine Safety Chief Who Bungled Crandall Canyon Disaster Another fox guarding the hen house!

Death from deregulation doesn’t appeal to your average mine worker. Bravo on this endorsement.

I have to hold my tongue about a potential black face joke and miners. Must hold tongue.

Coal Miner celebrates the United Mine Workers of America\'s endorsement of Obama

Kentucky Results Indicate McCain’s Weak Support / Problems With Conservatives

McCain Scores a Pathetic 72% of the Vote In Kentucky

REPUBLICAN PRIMARY ELECTION RESULTS FOR KENTUCKY

McCain 72%

Huckabee 8%

Paul 7%

Uncommitted 5%

Mitt Romney 5%

Rudy Giuliani 2%

KENTUCKY ANALYSIS OF THE REPUBLICAN PRIMARY

WTF! You’re the party’s presumptive nominee and you don’t even pull 3/4ths of the vote. The other guys have dropped out (except for Paul) and you’re giving up almost 10% of the vote to Huckabee? Even more sad, 5% chose uncommitted rather than vote for McCain.

I know the news media is getting its panties in a twirl covering the Democratic election, which in my book was over on super Tuesday, but big media is doing the American people a gross disservice by giving McCain a free pass on these shocking numbers. (Or should I say Hillary is doing the entire party a disservice by staying in so that the media’s harsh focus won’t reveal McCain’s glaring blemishes)

Much has been made about Obama losing to Clinton in Kentucky, but the Republican numbers tell me that if the Kentucky Primary was held before New Hampshire, McCain could easily have been toast. But then we also could ask “if pigs flew would pork taste like chicken.”

What this does tell me is that conservatives still revile McCain. From what I’ve observed, his “base” has consisted of a loose conflagration of voters that are not well educated on his record.

Fact is when die-hard conservatives learn McCain’s record on issues that matter to them: abortion, immigration, gun control, gay marriage – they grow weary at best, bolt at worst. One thing is certain, they hardly rally to his defense. (see my previous entry McCain: The Conservatives Don’t Even Trust Him.) He’s needed every ounce of Rovian wisdom to try to bring conservatives into the fold for him – and reports indicate Karl is working hard for him on the message building front (otherwise known as Operations: John Knows Jack About Conservatives)

Unfortunately for McCain, he gained his ill deserved “maverick” reputation by staking positions just to the left of the major conservative wedge issues, leaving him out in the cold. For example, on abortion, he is decidedly anti-Choice, but simultaneously takes the moderate position of vocally opposing the Republican party platform’s call for no-exceptions. On gun control, he’s for moderate restrictions. In other words, he’s taken neither here nor there positions on many of the positions that really count to conservatives, but are incidental to “swing voters.” That’s why as a “presumptive Republican nominee,” he gave up 28% of the vote to now phantom opponents (and Ron Paul)!

Meanwhile, on the issues that matter to the average middle of the road voter – the economy, defense, Iraq, Social Security, health care, education etc. – McCain is decidedly conservative, with opinions perfectly in step with Satan George W. Bush. As voters recognize that McCain is in ideology, just another four year term for W, they’re bolting.

Hence the reason McCain needs to find palatable issues that he can take left leaning positions on (even if in lip service only) . The most easy to swallow for the conservatives – Environmentalism.

Ironically, while McCain’s environmental policy was seen as a departure from the conservative establishment, it is arguably merely the logical extension of the basic concessions Bush has been forced to offer up in light of rising energy costs and a preponderance of evidence that Global Warming. (If you’ll recall, in April 2008, the Bush administration finally conceded that climate change was occurring.)

Had candidate McCain been candidate Bush, we likely would have seen a nearly identical proposal on climate change, the environment, and energy. (I swear a post going into detail on McCain’s energy and environmental plans is forthcoming)

At the end of the day, as Kentucky indicates, McCain is fighting a two front war: on the one had maintaining his credentials as a conservative and invigorating the party’s base, and on the other appealing to the moderately inclined “swing voter.”

“Stick-A-Fork In Her” Tuesday: Hillary’s Toast Tomorrow?

Hillary Lets the Delusion of Grandeur Overtake Her Rational Mind

Finally tomorrow we might see Hillary Clinton’s long delusional odyssey come to an end. While I could rap about Hillary for hours, why waste my breath, we all know she’s done with – we’ll let her have a brief Nader moment of psychosis, before scurrying her away.

Sadly, I had mad respect for the women, until she started acting like that Ex-girlfriend who just wouldn’t go away.

Now I want to talk directly to Hillary for a moment.

Hills, (that’s our pet name for each other)

You’re acting crazy. And not the good kind of kooky crazy, but like psycho-ho-beast crazy. You have a job, Senator from NY. Go back to it. You’re a strong women, you wear pant suits. You’re not supposed to be acting like Stacy, the psycho ex from Wayne’s World who just won’t go away.

I have included this link for your reference.

I know that there is a gender gap in math between men and women, also referred to as “the Numeracy Gender Gap, but let me educate you on something… you are trailing really, really bad, everyone’s written you off, and taking this to the convention is a really bad idea if 1) you ever want black people to vote Democrat again 2) You ever want young people to feel like their vote counts 3) you don’t want to screw everything up for us in November.

Plus, you’re just helping Satan himself McCain.
(See SNL: McCain Reminds Us How He’s Been Skating By)

So when you get drubbed in Oregon tomorrow, hang up the pant suit and go home to Washington.

-The Hatchet Man

SNL: McCain Reminds Us How He’s Been Skating By

In case it doesn’t play, here’s the link.

Ha ha. Funny funny. Oh wait, we suddenly realize through the power of sarcasm that McCain has been skating by thanks to the infighting between Democrats. Now that the Wicked Witch of Washington has been banished, McCain’s about to burst a blood vessel answering to the scorching criticisms by the left, particularly moi (not to mention the little guys at like the NY Times)

Hardly surprising that a man who has skated by for most of his life wants to once again! (You’ll notice a theme emerging over the next few weeks)

Hopefully he gets a good VP quick to whisper in his ear during his many senior moments.

That one will never get old. Ironic that a Democrat bails him out again. I’m noticing a trend Dems… Stop bailing out the old geezer and let’s win this thing! (In all fairness, Lie-berman isn’t really a Dem. I’d call him a Benedict Arnold, if I didn’t think it was offensive to the memory of Benedict Arnold)

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