Britney Spears to Hillary Clinton: Stop Monopolizing My Press

While the Barack Obama campaign has been struggling to get their message heard above unending the cacophony of “how crazy will Hillary Clinton get” stories, quietly one of America’s biggest tabloid stars has seen her unending fount of press run dry no thanks to Hillary stealing her ink – Britney Spears.

Long the reigning queen of “psycho-delusional, train wreck press” stories, Spears has been pushed off the front page by her most formidable of attention seeking rivals – Hillary Clinton – and it took an effort of near Presidential proportions.  Britney’s the victim of a harsh media reality, namely that editors’ reserve only so much space for “disastrous celebrity tailspin” stories. With Clinton and the Lohan’s taking up all the recent front page real estate reserved for “crash and burn celebrity free falls,” Spears has (*gasp*) faded to the brink of oblivion.

Britney back at the Height of Her Crazy Reign, Before Hillary Clinton Stole the Title

Normally, political figures, particularly distinguished senators, avoid slinking into the role of side show circus freaks, relying on pop stars to fill the niche, but Clinton’s obliviousness to math, self-mutilation (in the form of poorly phrased quotes about RFK), frequently changing motivations about why she’s running, and complete disconnection with the existing, non-imaginary world has sent the press into feeding frenzy not seen since Spear’s was committed for similar erratic behavior back in January 2008.

Hillary officially gained the crown of top delusional celebrity train wreck, long held by Britney Spears

 

As Clinton continues to push gossip-rag-mainstays to the back pages, many other train wrecks have been left scrambling, with Lindsay Lohan going to the extreme of dating lesbian Samantha Ronson just to overcome the glut of Clinton press and maintain a tenuous grasp on the forefront of public consciousness.

Lindsay Lohan went Lesbian this week only to barely steal some of Clinton\'s lock on crazy train wreck press

Meanwhile, Spears has not been so lucky. Her mid-May trip to Costa Rica with Mel Gibson went largely unnoticed. Her new love, William Morris agent Jason Trawick, has barely gotten one-one thousandth the publicity of former flames. Finally, as of press time, news of her $10 million Las Vegas comeback show barely made the steamy London gossip pages.

Media insiders are dubbing this “The Hillary Effect.” “You just can’t out crazy Hillary Clinton at the moment,” commented one reporter. “When it comes to the train wreck beat, she’s got the monopoly on it.”

The Spears camp is resorting to a Vanity Faire shoot just to try to pry some limelight away from media whore Hillary – though Spear’s announcement of the shoot fell on mostly deaf ears.

While tabloid stars suffer from Hillary “outcrazying” them, John McCain’s campaign has aired few complaints about Clinton’s press dominance.   The were particularly thankful for the diversion as he hosted a fundraiser in Arizona alongside the politically toxic Satan George Bush.  His campaign has been similarly unbothered by Hillary’s press monopolization as he dealt with uncomfortable issues like his wife’s tax returns, release of his medical records, and his continued opposition to the Democrats expanded GI Bill, among other politically charged events the presumptive Republican nominee has conveniently side stepped during the last week thanks to Hillary.

The few sources still covering Spear report that she is thriving since handing over her “America’s top train wreck” crown over to Hillary.

(Picture:  Britney enjoying and thriving in her newfound anonymity with reported bf Jason Trawick)  

 

What Medical / Tax Records? Why McCain, Republicans Are Toasting Hillary Right Now! How She Did Her Duty for the Republican Party!

McCain Can\'t Be Happier About How Friday Went for Him, He Could Kiss Hillary Right Now

Dominating today’s news!!! Completely saturating the media! Taking up the first 20 minutes of Keith Olbermann John McCain Releases Medical Records / Cindy McCain Releases Tax Returns Hillary Clinton Apologizes for Assassination Gaffe

With Democrats like Hillary, who needs Republicans?!?!? For over a year the Republican’s were devising a way to release McCain’s medical records while minimalizing damage to the campaign.

They thought they found their answer – go for the sneak play by releasing them Memorial Day Weekend! Brilliant! (See McCain Medical Records To Be Released Friday, Will He Make It Till Then?)

Furthermore, going with “the band-aid theory” that “it doesn’t hurt if you rip it off fast,” they decided to surprise everyone with the late in the day release of another potential McCain political powder keg – those pesky Cindy McCain tax returns, which indicate the McCain’s are blue blood to the tune of $6 million dollars a year from her beer empire! (God knows what else as the returns hold as their news was eclipsed by…. well I’m getting there…)

It was the Republican equivalent of The Great Escape. Plan for months, wait till everyone isn’t looking, make a break for it, and hope to get away!

The Republicans Got Away With The Great Escape

McCain’s rapid responders were ready to work overtime to handle the impending news cycle storm. They would not be having a Memorial Day weekend this year… or would they…

For then, mana from Republican heaven!

The political equivalent of parting the pundit Red Sea!

Hillary ***Expletive’d*** It All Up!!!

McCain HQ’s rejoicing tonight!

McCain Must Be Toasting His Luck Tonight, Drinking Some of His Beer Empire

As I write, the McCain team’s probably laughing over beers, relieving a weeks worth of pent up anxiety about a giant media hurdle, now completely sidestepped. They went from facing potentially a solid week of McCain-centric health and wealth punditry, (only punctuated by Indiana Jones box office numbers) to….

Hillary wants Obama dead.

I can’t overstate the favor Hillary Clinton did for the Republican’s today.

The fact I’m dedicating a blog entry to this ****Expletive*** up rather than attacking the various McCain news of the day tells you that the real damage was the distraction. The diversion.

This is Democrats eating their own of the highest order.

And its inexorable and inexcusable.

We let them get away!

She let them get away!

Hillary, you let McCain escape what was a certain gauntlet that the Republican’s were sweating for over a year!

If you think that a discordant and uncoordinated Democratic Party isn’t a massive liability at this point, look no farther than today. This is the result! Complete mismanagement of the press by the Democrats such that two toxic topics that would undoubtedly cost McCain votes were glossed over! All the Democrats needed to do was sit and watch, and the swirling press surrogates would have done a cyclone’s worth of damage to McCain on these two topics. Instead, he gets away like the Road Runner, while our party goes barreling off the cliff

Oh, and might I add, Hillary’s own example of the 1968 Presidential Election should only be a foreboding warning to the party of the disasters that arise from a protracted campaign. That was a winnable election inevitably lost to Richard Nixon, and lost partly due to many of the elements occurring now – a fractious, protracted primary met by a disastrous Democratic convention.

Ultimately, for Hillary to compare this election to that of her husband’s shows her misunderstanding of the forces of elections circa 2008 – almost all of which favor coalescing behind a candidate early and unifying a party’s message quickly – namely: a brutal 24 hour news cycle, the emergence of partisan news networks, the rise of the partisan news anchors, the Limbaughization of talk radio, the refinement of campaign’s “rapid response” units, the increasing sophistication of marketing, the rise of the internet and its scrutiny, the escalating costs of presidential elections, and the ever increasing role of political conventions as “staged televised theater.” (etc. etc.)

Many of these factors didn’t even exist when Bill Clinton ran in 1992, and all of which make for a perilous atmosphere for any candidate facing the brunt of a political party’s attack machine without his own party’s full backing. What Obama is somehow succeeding in doing is fighting a two front war (the brunt of McCain and Hillary) with one hand tied behind his back. (Little official party backing)

Understanding elections having consulted so many, I can see no rational point to Hillary’s incredibly stupid, unbelievably boneheaded, completely insensitive, totally erroneous, entirely fallacious, mean spirited, delusional, Republican aiding, potentially election costing poorly worded statement today, just as I can see no point in her continued candidacy.

I leave you with Bush toasting Hillary on her monumental ****Expletive**** up today.

George Bush Toasting Hillary on Her Lastest Gaffee

(Two last morbid notes – purely conjecture: Does the size of Obama’s secret service detail drop out once Hillary gets elected? Secondly, by setting off this firestorm, I assume Hillary just substantially increased the noise level that the Secret Service now needs to siphon though regarding internet threats on President’s lives. Shame.)

McCain Medical Records To Be Released Friday, Will He Make It Till Then?

Medical Records on John McCain released as soon as they excise that \

Comical headline in the International Herald Tribune today. This is what humorists call verbal irony… saying one thing and meaning something other…

Here’s the first two Paragraphs…

McCain set to release health data on Friday

Senator John McCain is set to release 400 pages of medical records, including documents related to his melanoma surgery in August 2000, to a tightly controlled group of reporters on the Friday before Memorial Day weekend.

McCain said late last week that he had nothing to hide. Campaign officials have nonetheless said that even if nothing in the records suggests a problem with his health, a rush of news media reports focusing on the cancer surgery was not politically helpful and that they wanted to play down the information as much as possible — something that the timing of the release would seem to accomplish.

Link available here.

Tight group of reporters? Friday before Memorial Day weekend? “Want to play down the information as much as possible???!” What part of “nothing to hide” is McCain talking about?!

Might I add that McCain has delayed the release of his medical records with one excuse or another for over a year!

If this is how he conducts the obligatory “Presidential Candidate releases his medical records,” how is he going to conduct his Presidency? This behavior is positively Karl Rovian – and more proof that straight talk is a myth, McCain’s all wonktalk.

That’s what McCain and his cronies are preying upon – cloning a page out of the Bush playbook, McCain already is displaying the typical underhanded Republican pattern of exploiting Americans disinterest.

Meanwhile, I know what I’m doing Memorial Weekend – going to poolside BBQ’s with hot models! blogging to hold McCain accountable!

But wanna know the last thing a reporter wants to be doing over memorial day weekend? Siphoning through 400 pages of doctor notes about McCain’s prostate exams and the color of his phlegm!

And you know what the average citizen American plans to be doing with their Memorial Day weekend? Ranking somewhere below cleaning the gutters and watching “Speed Racer” in the theaters is reading / watching the news.

Face it… when it comes to health, McCain’s a bloody mess!

With infirmities that have put him in a steady state of declining health for over a quarter of a century, its a wonder the man can even walk! Clearly at 72 he body is in serious decline – he’s had four different melanomas, is in need of joint replacement, and has been on military disability for longer than I’ve been alive – to say nothing of his deteriorating mind. (a complete post on McCain’s health is forthcoming)

The man is desperate to become President and will ignore his health and hiding whatever he must from the American people to get there.

McCain has had melanoma as many times as there are years in a Presidential term